Trevor's Determination

At four years old Trevor is a very determined little man. He has been struggling with some very common four year old issues... Am I cool? Am I a big kid? So we have had a lot of little challenges lately which are because he is trying to find his path...one of many times in his life I am sure!
The other week he had a very challenging couple of days. He was very defiant and refused to do almost anything we asked of him. One evening Tom went into his room to have a talk with him about making good choices and not lying... another issue that we have been dealing with. He had lied to his teachers about having an accident at school. He felt really bad about lying and was explaining to Tom that there were things that he was thinking about and couldn't get them out of his head (likely his conscience... thank goodness he has a conscience!) He continued to tell his Dad that there was a boy at school who told him the very first day of school that he is not cool! Tom told him that boy does not know what he is talking about, and it does not matter what that boy thinks, what matters most is what Trevor thinks about himself...Trevor thinks he IS COOL! This has been a really tough year at school for Trevor. There are some kids in his class that have some challenging behaviours and he has been caught in the middle. So now, that kid that told him he wasn't cool in the beginning of the year apparently thinks that he is cool now... and this really pleases Trevor. I know that we all strive for acceptance, I just wish that he was not so influenced by peers at such a young age...

Trevor's determination has also been very beneficial for him athletically. He is quite a competitive kid and pretty good at a lot of sports so far, which is much different than how he started as a toddler, completely uncoordinated and clumsy. The other day I asked him if he wanted me to take the training wheels off of his bike...? He said yes, yes, yes! So we took of the training wheels and went down to the street. He got on the bike, but didn't know how to start. I told him to petal. He froze. He could not figure out how to put his feet on the pedals. He kept putting both of his feet on the pedals at the same time... not a good plan. I helped him get started, but he kept stopping right away. He was completely balanced, but just could not coordinate both of his feet and the pedals at the same time. Finally, he said to me, "Mommy, I can't pedal and chew my gum at the same time." and then spit his gum out. I was hysterical. I thought about his dad who can't talk on his cell phone and walk at the same time. Is the ability to multitask (or not) really evident at such a young age? Once the gum was out, he was off. His head was down and the wheels were going. It is going to take some time to figure out how to put the brakes on and turn (both require the ability to make a plan), but for now he is incredibly proud of his accomplishment!
The following day, Trevor had an MRI to look at the soft tissue mass in his brain. We talked to him about the procedure the day before. He told me that if they were going to give him the medicine to make him sleep, he was not going! None of his friends have to get pictures of their brain, why should he. Finally, we talked about the Dr's. needing to make sure that he is healthy because he once fell on his head and got hurt. I reminded him that he has had this done before and mommy stays with him the entire time. When he realized that he had done this before, he said, "okay mom, I will go." I think he was afraid of medicine because he has recently had friends whose animals had to have medicine to go to sleep, permanently. I think he thought he was going to have the same treatment... once I told him we would come home once it was done, he was fine. The next question was, " what if the Dr. finds out that I am not healthy?" I told him that I am sure that he is healthy... he said "I think so too... I am really strong and I eat my vegetables. But mom, what do they do if I am not healthy?" To be honest, I don't know what happens if you are not healthy, but I can tell you that I will be with you the whole time! So we went in for the MRI with no problems. And this time he went to sleep with very little resistance. It guess as they get older and the more they understand about the process, the easier it gets... but I feel for those children who do this even more often than us...it is amazing how they adapt and the medical procedures become the norm... I pray that we never have to experience this as the norm for any of our children. The daily blood tests for 3 months when Trevor was 2 were hard enough! And today the Dr. called and said that Trevor's mass is stable, and there is no change! Yeah! Fantastic news! Trevor smiled and giggled and truly looked as though a weight had been taken off his shoulders! My little man, officially cool, a little bit uncoordinated still, but totally healthy!

Trevor's Talk

We decided that we needed to have a talk with Trevor and Ella, (but really Trevor) about his relationship with his sister Aliza and her disability. We talked about differences in people and why it is important in this life to acknowlege the differences of others. We took him to his favorite restaurant (Five Guys Burgers and Fries, while Aliza was at school) and asked him to identify the differences of those in our family. He never talked about Alizas differences. We asked him what he knew about Down syndrome? He said it is where mommy works at the Buddy Walks. Yes, that is correct, I have a business to raise awareness for Down syndrome and sell our products at Buddy Walks. We further clarified for Trevor that Down syndrome means that Aliza has something extra, that no one else in our family has... it means that she sometimes may have a hard time understanding things that he knows, or that she may not be able to do some things that he can do easily. She has to work so much harder to do the things that he (and Ella) are able to do. But Aliza also can do many things that he can not do... she is very flexible and can do a split easily, can swim very well, and loves to sing. All of this over a hot dog and french fries!

I believe Trevor really enjoyed the conversation and attention. He wanted to keep talking with us about Down syndrome and Alizas abilities. He did not shut down or refuse to talk with us. And two weeks later, believe it or not, I think he is still thinking about our conversation and about Down syndrome. He seems to be more patient with Aliza, more sensitive to her uniqueness and all of the kids seem to be getting along much better with each other. Down syndrome will always be a part of our lives, and it is not something to hide or shun. Communication makes it less taboo... If I can talk about Aliza and Down syndrome with a stranger in a store, I should talk with her siblings too!