Oh my, it seems almost unreal that ten years ago today I gave birth to our first child, Aliza Grace. I still remember the day as vivid as yesterday. On the day before, I was admitted to the hospital because my water had broke 5.3 weeks early. Instead of inducing me immediately (it was only 11am), they decided to wait until 4am the next day... the reason, because this was my first pregnancy, they were anticipating it being a long labor and they did not want me to deliver in the middle of the night when the necessary neonatology and pediatric cardiology staff were not immediately available. They wanted to be prepared.
Looking back now, how was I not a nervous mess!!! Seriously, my life was getting ready to change forever, did I not realize this!!! Not only was I going to become a parent for the first time, but I was also going to be giving birth to a child that the medical staff did not know whether she was going to live or die. We knew she would be born with Down syndrome and a heart defect and would require open heart surgery, but she was almost 6 weeks premature. The cardiologist had told us that she most likely would not survive if born before 34 weeks gestation. At 4am they began medications to induce my labor. Three hours later I was ready to start pushing to the surprise of the doctors. Once I started pushing her heart rate dropped and delivery became an emergency. They atmosphere in the room quickly went from calm to very intense. At 7:28 am our beautiful daughter was born and so our journey began. So much for planning and being prepared. I remember holding her for the first time and being almost afraid to become attached to her. She was so blue and swollen. She did not look like any other baby that I had ever seen. My heart broke. It was at that moment, while holding my first born, that for the first time I questioned our decision to continue my pregnancy. The reality had set in that our child was different.
Ten years later, I am so thankful that my child is "different". She has taught me so much and I know I have a lot more to learn from her. There are so many things that I wish for her in her life, but most importantly I want her to know how much she is loved. She gives and shows love unconditionally and with such sincerity. It is sometimes difficult for others to see past her differences and negative behaviors to see this love and to show her their love.
